I wrote the following letter on Dec 6th 2010, right before I begun my weightloss journey. It is my way of setting my goals in stone and letting go of all the weight, physically and emotionally, that I have been carrying around from being obese almost my entire life. I suggest you do the same too. You have no idea how empowering and freeing it is.
Heya fat body,
Good manners dictates that I ask how you are doing…so…how are you? Not well right? How could you be? You’re heavy and unsightly and you have been a constant hindrance and embarrassment to me for the most part of my life.
When I was younger, I hated you…but now that I’m older, I’ve learned to live with you. To accept you the way you are but even then…I know I could do better. I could look better. I could be better. Without you.
Because of you, I was bullied as a child. Their taunts in the playground, never really did leave me. Because of you, I hid myself behind people while my photos were being taken. I still cringe when I look at those photos. Because of you, I took so much abuse and hatred for no reason. I don’t think I could ever forget the sneer of that one particular sales girl as I entered Top Shop that many years ago. Because of you, people look at me with disgust. I still remember that doctor who look at me with disgust and scolded my mother for letting me “become like this.” Because of you I became the butt of jokes of my relatives. Always the constant reminder of how ugly I am compared to my skinny older sister. But mostly…because of you, I am invisible.
You must understand that I don’t hate you. There was a time that I did hate you. That time was high school. But then back in high school, I was one fat emo kid and I hated everything and everyone. So let’s gloss over that. I didn’t know when the confidence came…it wasn’t overnight of course. It took years. I took the abuse, the pain; the words that cut so deep that nothing, not even time could heal and turned it into armour around me. The pain gave me confidence now in you, in my body that even thin people are jealous for. I don’t hate you. You must understand that. I don’t hate you, fat body. But I don’t desire you either.
I am 24 now. Come next September next year, I’ll be 25. 24 years is a long time to be fat. 24 years is a long time to spend with you, inside you, someone I don’t even like. I will only be young once. I am aging as we speak. And while my skin is still tight and I am still in my twenties, I want to look good fat body. I. WANT. TO. LOOK. GOOD.
And you are in the way.
I’m getting rid of you. I am sick of you. There has been some relatively good times, but mostly bad. This is it. I am doing this. No hard feelings fat body, but I never want you to be part of me anymore. I am done. I am quitting you. You will no longer be part of my life. You will no longer be part of my anything.
So hear me now fat body: Your time is up.